Good Enough

What more do you want from me?

I understand that you're having a hard time with your health and I'm trying my hardest to help you.  But I'm also newly married and an even newer mother.  I'm young and I still need to work on me.  I need to focus on my family.  Piling up these rules after rules after rules don't help. 

You tell me I need to be independent, yet you don't let me do anything to get there.  Or you tell me I'm doing it wrong.  You're the reason I'm in this position in the first place.

I know I still have some things to work on and I am.  But I have time to perfect those.  I can't do it overnight. 

I understand that we are guests in your home.  But I'm also your daughter.  Please understand that sometimes I just don't have time, especially with a baby, to keep the house spotless at all times.  I do try.

I know how tired you were tonight so I put away all the groceries.  I even cleaned out the fridge and the pantry.  I did all the dishes.  For the last two days I've folded and put away all the laundry.  I've kept the house so clean.  I've been doing this to show you I've been listening.  But you take me up in your room, cry, and tell me everything I'm still doing wrong anyway. 

You put all these rules on how I need to raise my child.  That's not fair.  But I've stuck to them because we are living in your house.  Just know that you have now pushed us away.  Haven't you realized that Stiff won't even stay in the house when I'm gone?  He figures if he's not there he won't be watched over like a hawk and graded on the way he watches his child.  

I'm tired of the guilt trips.  I know she was fussy because she was tired.  There are times she just needs to be put down in her crib and left to fuss for a minute.  I can't hold her every minute.  I'll never get the house as spotless as you'd like if I hold her all the time. 

I know you have "more experience", as you like to call it.  But she is mine.  Not yours.  And you didn't do so great with yours anyway.

I was mad earlier.  Now I'm just sad.  Nothing I ever do is good enough for you.