So, for my first post ever on this I'm just going to share a poem. It was first an email I had written to my best friend who took her life on Christmas Eve.
I know you’ll never read this
Still I’ll send it anyway
Somehow I need to tell you
Those things I didn’t get to say
You were such an amazing person
I miss you. My heart is just sore.
Would it have changed had I stopped by to see you?
I didn’t know or I would’ve done more
On the other hand…
How could you have done this???
How could you have been so blind???
So many people love and care about you!!
Did they not even enter your mind??!!!
How could you do this to me?
Now what am I supposed to do?
We had plans – all the things we dreamed of
Now there’s no way we can see them through
You won’t see my little girl grow up
She’s sitting up all on her own
And I’ll miss seeing the changes in Chloee
We won’t look back together when our children are grown
How could you be so stupid?
How could you be so unfair?
I texted you – why didn’t you say “help me”
Don’t you know I would’ve been there?
I love you, Jill, and it hurts me
I don’t even know how I feel
I find myself staring at nothing
This whole thing just doesn’t seem real
You’re on my mind when I wake up
You’re there still when I drift off to sleep
You’re there in my dreams every night
I can’t cry but my soul wants to weep
I don’t want to go to your funeral
Because then I can’t just pretend
You’re not just off in your own space
Your life has come to an end
I’m so angry yet so sad, I just hurt
I’m confused – I don’t understand
Just know, my friend, that I love you
In my heart we walk hand in hand
Please be an angel and watch over Chloee
Help her to grow up and thrive
And send me a sign when you can, friend
With love, in my memory, you’re alive
I love you,